What's your fantasy?

In the Christopher Nolan film, Inception, there is a scene where Cobb (played by Leo Di Caprio) and his group tour a secret basement filled with sleeping men hooked to IVs and dreaming the equivalent of 40 hours a day.

‘The dream has become their reality’, the watcher says.

A scene from the movie Inception

When I was growing up, reading books had the same effect on me; I’d be in bed reading away for hours or days on end.

I would remember the books I read, but not the time I read them. There is a Christmas that I don’t remember to this day, but I vividly remember the book I read- The Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy.

I was made to expect that when I finally ‘socialised’, or ‘got some friends’ or left the one-person island that my mother said I spent so much time in, things would be different. But alas, it wasn’t!

The world was boring! The people in it were as dull as the oatmeal I forced myself to eat every morning years later, in the (vain) hope it would lower my cholesterol levels. Or- it could all be just me. So to this day, I would dive right back to books when I needed a different and better reality.

I have a soft spot for fantasy; if genres were drugs, I would pick it not for the high but for its hallucinatory effect, and the longer the better.

The Chronicles of Narnia were the 1st fantasy books I read when I was in the 6th grade. It was so real to me, I kept inspecting closets for that secret door to another world.

In high school, I plowed through War & Peace and Anna Karenina- hardly fantasies, but to a 14-year old, 19th century Russia seemed exactly that- and I don’t think I finished either. In college- which really didn't get exciting until my last year- I passed the tedium of days reading through Tolkien (LOTR & The Hobbit ). Then it was the Dark Tower series by Stephen King, but I only got as far as the third book. Tried to start Malazan Book of the Fallen by Steven Erikson with Gardens of the Moon, but couldn't finish it for some reason. I would have gone on and finished the entire Dragonriders of Pern series by Anne McCaffrey, but in the era before Kindle, it was hard to find books and they were also expensive- I only finished the 1st four books.

And it also happens that there are some books that are better off seen on screen. I read Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, but opted to watch the rest of the series on the big screen.

Lately, I discovered Raymund Feist’s Riftwar Trilogy which I finished while I was in Ashburton to visit Doyet and the family. It felt like being at home again in Pangasinan, comfortable with no care in the world; you read, slept and ate with the food magically appearing on the table.

Feist’s world-building of magicians, lords, dragons and sorcerers is familiar, but it’s the conviction in the writing that creates the illusion of being firmly in that reality. A thousand pages fly past like a fast-moving photo carousel and it no longer feels like reading, but living.

I finished the trilogy just as I was heading back to Auckland so I didn’t feel the full weight of that emptiness that almost feels like grief, as if you had just lost someone, when you finish a book that you’ve inhabited so completely.

You just sigh and face this reality with some reluctance.

It wasn't that hard was it?

I’m not kidding, but several YouTube tutorials and a few dozen test shots later, I can actually shoot manual now. I’ve been shooting photos for so long that it was a matter of finally looking where I had refused to look.

And suddenly, there were all there, and there were only three things: aperture, shutter-speed and ISO.

I’m not saying I’m going to win the next Nikon or Canon Photo competition (I wouldn’t even bother to join), but I feel less of a fake when someone praises my photos. I feel less guilty for spending thousands of dollars on all the gear.

Confessions and declarations

Confession: Did you know that I don’t know how to shoot manual??

Declaration: Will learn how, for real

I traded in the Nikon Z 6 to the Z 6 ii which has useful upgraded features for video

Weekend reading

bake, bake, bake

It’s slightly stressful doing heaps of little things and I had a couple of pastry sheets left over so… the thing with pastry sheets is that you don’t get to use all of them and you chuck the rest into the freezer with the intention of using them, but you never ever do.

So I used up all of them and made more palmiers; this time I made savoury ones stuffed with grated cheddar cheese and sprinkled liberally with paprika. And because they tend to be a bit bland, immediately after bringing them out of the oven, they were doused with a generous sprinkling of chicken salt.

But this is the thing with savoury palmiers; if you don’t brown them, the pale pastry takes in some moisture the next day (even if stored in a container) and would taste like pastry that had been sitting on a table for a day. So lower the temperature when you bake them so the cheese doesn’t burn and allowing the pastry to brown.

I also made chocolate palmiers by mixing cocoa powder and brown sugar- not so successful as the sugar burned too quickly.

And with the one pastry sheet I had left, I made three bacon and egg pies in a muffin tray. Cut to fill the cups and into that goes an egg and as many small strips of (rendered) bacon as you can fill it. Cover with a pastry piece, make vents through it and bake in the oven for like 15 to 20. And don’t forget the egg-wash!

It's because of yoga

I’ve been doing yoga consistently for the last three weeks, so it must be because of it!

I’m been calmer and more contemplative. When I made these Palmiere cookies this morning- something at work pissed me off so I had to step away to bake something yes- I wasn’t rushing it like I normally do.

I took my time assembling the ingredients and fastidiously cleaning up as I went, that I felt I was in one of those Asian ASMR videos. There’s a part in this recipe where you spread the cinnamon sugar all over the pastry with your fingers and the surface glinted like the rose nebula (use caster instead of granular so it would be less sugary) and I thought, life is to short to be pissed off at shit.

If you want the recipe for these cookies, click here

The weirdest thing you ever cooked

Lately, I’ve been on a food funk, craving this and craving that. And the craving is made all the more worse by the fact that the food item in question is hard to find or totally unavailable in New Zealand. Here is a short-list

Hard-to-find
1. caviar
2. fresh shrimp
3. seafood-boil
4. actual lechon
5. Ube ensaymada

Unavailable
1. fresh bangus
2. Lingayen tamales
3. Laduree macarons
4. camote leaves
5. fresh plantain (saba) bananas

On a whim, I went to the supermarket with no clear idea of what I wanted but was wanting something and I ended up buying a tomahawk steak and some watercress. The weather prediction was stormy and cold so I knew I wanted some comfort by way of broth and voila…tomahawk steak (seared first) cooked in a ‘pinapaitan’ broth with Chinese sausage, watercress and sweet corn. It’s a mash-up between a Filipino traditional bulalo and Maori boil-up.

Saturday (in images)

Postcript to that dinner last Friday

We hosted this dinner last Friday for Mary’s friends - women of a certain age - and I started what was turning out to be a really long treatise on friendship when I realised that these women weren’t really my friends, even if we had been sharing what could be one of the better dinners/get-togethers I’ve had with anyone these last couple of years.

But the affection is there, the honesty and the candidness is there, the ease of self is there for which is only possible around people who know and accept you.

And this is the thing with friends, which I have been fortunate enough to have and have had, that the best ones have come into my life by accident; Leila, Chris, Eric..that’s it. And it has been enough, more than enough. God made me self-sufficient, but these people give me happiness and comfort. Remember that scene towards the end in the Netflic movie ‘Don’t Look Up’ when the world starts actually to fall apart?

That’s how I’d like to go if it ever came to that (which is becoming more likely by the day it seems if you read the news) - around a table full of great food with my family and my dearest friends..

Saturday morning (in images)

Early this morning, I was woken up by the cat meowing loudly in the spare bedroom we’ve christened the budoir- a walk-in closet of sorts, the racks now groaning with winter coats and jackets, the floor, three rows deep with shoes. She was clearly looking for something, and without my glasses, I couldn't make anything out on the dark, hairy rug. And then I almost stepped on it, my big toe touching something (still) warm; it was a small wax-eye with that distinct while colouring around its eyes and that dusting of pistachio green on its head, wing-tips, and tail.

It was literally the early bird getting caught by a cat.

Lily has a bell around her neck so it’s either she’s clever and the birds are dumb or the birds are clever, but she’s cleverer. Or she could also be cunning- an adjective that is a step above clever. There are so many ways of looking at it, but does it matter which one is more accurate? Or truer?

It’s too early in the day to mull over these things so you just take a breath and to realise that you need to see the fundamentals; this is the nature of cats, and birds are prey in the hierarchy of things.

The sun’s out (in spite of weather predictions to the contrary) with a nice stiff breeze so you can do the laundry. You woke up early so now you have time to replant the blue cypress that hasn’t been liking its pot. You can work on that presentation due Monday. You can do the pork butt, 3 kilos split into two generous portions, one for Korean barbecue and the other for a pulled-meat recipe. So I did all these all before 9:30am.

Life is a combination of circumstance and the choices you make to work with these and sometimes, you don’t need to be as clever as Lily the cat.

You just have to do it.

Canned goodness

Growing up, the foods that comforted us the most came from a can- Spam, Ma Ling Pork luncheon meat, Philips Sausage and Ligo Sardines. When we had unexpected guests, fruit cocktail (from a can) served with cubed ice was a treat. I had always believed that canned peaches were the most glorious things in the world, and this was further reinforced when I had them, freshly plucked from a tree.

When we were older, there was more variety- Purefoods corned beef (which Matt adores), Turkey Spam, Low-Sodium Spam, canned sisig and my old college standby, Century Spicy Tuna.

When I find myself at an Asian store, I would treat myself to an occasional can; Philips sausage makes for a good omelette and canned sisig saves you the trouble of having to prepare a whole pigs head (or two) to make the real thing.

On New Zealand’s supermarket shelves, there are only a couple of canned meat products that we gravitate to and one specifically, Hellaby’s corned beef, is the best I think; meaty and densely packed, a can is enough to feed four (!!) for breakfast. But for the last couple of years, the price has continually gone up and lately, you almost always never find it at the supermarket.

And then I see this one on the shelves, Countdown’s own corned beef. But at $3.50, why the hell not?

The proof is in the eating, and yes, it’s good.

Happy birthday mommy

With my dad it was a bit more challenging what he expected from you, and there were times when I thought he didn’t until I fucked up, and I would of course hear about it though in very economical- but weighty- words.

With my mother, there was no beating around the bush and no reading of minds. She told you exactly what she thought, for better or worse. I’m pretty sure that my siblings and I had years when we grappled with the effect of that. But now it all makes sense. The apparent antagonist is a sage, and one who only wanted one thing- the best for you, but…only if you worked hard for it ( and not because you were entitled to it).

Some of the truths she has gifted us:

1. Liars are most likely to be thieves as well
2. Don’t be a one-day-millionaire; save, save, save
3. Be ashamed of being in debt (a faster way to get out of it!)
4. If you’re a woman, why would you give money to a man??
5. Health is wealth
6. If you’re fair complexion, you’re already half-good looking (10 years later, whitening became all the rage!).
7. Facebook is CRAP
8. There’s a God out there and it wouldn't hurt to pray and have faith
9. Duck Adobo is life (apparently)
10. Avoid procrastinating

The week

Sunday's Sunday Riley

Twister is on Netflix

I have strange viewing habits. I have a whole bunch of movies that I love, but I don’t watch them again in their entirety. I skip to the (good) parts I want and call it a day. In this day and age of soooo many things to watch and only 24 hours in your day, you only have so many hours to spare so this is actually being smart about it.

One of my favourite films of all time from the 90s - Twister - is available for viewing on Netflix.

Here are my favourite bits from the film- yup, the parts where I skipped to.

Mad about Helen

We were already madly in love with her in Mad About You, but in Twister, we even fell more in love with her spunk and uncomplicated beauty.

The coolest nerds

I was in a job then that I hated (I think it was advertising) and I had to put on a persona that wasn’t really me. When I saw these guys I thought, isn’t it cool to be in a job you loved where you were yourself, and didn’t worry about coming to work late, or were undressed and had to pitch great ideas to a bunch of corporates who were too far up their own asses to see how stupid they actually were???

That one famous image

Of the flying cow..there’s a story about how originally, they wanted to use a flying zebra from another great 90s movie, Jumanji??

The Meat Stop at Aunt Meg's

If i were to think of America, this is the image that would pop up. The land of plenty- cast iron skillets groaning with huge cuts of meat, and bowls of mashed potato and gravy, and platters of fried eggs and freshly baked bread.

90s tech!

ooff is all I could say

The Shining

It’s funny how you can’t actually see a twister until it’s somehow illuminated by a flash of light such as lightning. The way it crept up in the darkness, ripping things away with an invisible brute force makes it all the more terrifying than a possessed Jack Nicholson in The Shining.

The Biggest Crush

Had the biggest crush on her with The Lost Boys. And by the time she did this movie, more mature and in command in that white pantsuit even when she was caught in the rain and realising that Bill (Bill Paxton) was still in love with Jo (Helen Hunt), we knew that Jami Gertz was going to move on.

Pets ALWAYS survive a natural disaster

They do! Or at least in the movies they do. There were two dogs in this movie that escaped unscathed from the twister.

The 'villain' dies in dramatic fashion

This is the moment when Cary Elwes’ character dies by getting too close to the twister which he could have avoided had he, 1) listened to Bill and 2) had common sense. He wasn’t really a villain though, but just annoying. Bugs me that actual villains in this world don’t seem to get the fates they deserve…

Success!

But is the science even real??

A list a day...

1. The fourth season of ‘Stranger Things’ has started! I’m glad I gave it another chance because it was the childhood I actually had, in my head.

2. Inflation, recession, higher mortgage rates- what do they mean? To me it means doing less Uber and more public transport; more supermarket meat, less online boutique butchers; more saving, less spending. It may all sound facetious, but I honestly don’t know. I’ve never really had much financial sense.

3. When Sam said half-seriously, doing a projection of an 8% mortgage rate high (which means for me, around $800 per fortnight, an increase of 62%), we may need to get 2nd jobs, I was secretly thrilled. For real. I made a list- supermarket online order person, nursing home attendee, weekend cook, cleaner. As I’ve told Leila, I’d DIE if I was poor in the Philippines. But I don’t mind it here- no one knows me, I don’t know anyone, and work is work, a dollar is a dollar.

4. I buy drones, expensive cameras, and Apple products and sometimes I wish, I could make money out of them (especially in this economy). But then it kills the spirit- there’s something ruthless and numbing about having to make everything about profit and gain. Can it be just about the beauty of technology and personal consumption of creative content?? (I sound like Imelda Marcos; though, the difference is that she actually profited from it ).

5. But then I realise, Apple has literally already taken the equivalent of a house deposit from me 😅

6. I love my job and I’ve been in it for 10 years and I’m happy- but I still think, could there be something else? Something new?

7. It’s hard to break out of habits and routine. Do something new you say to yourself but it’s a struggle to get to the gym after work; your attention wanders off somewhere when studying Analytics; you’ve now forgotten the 1st three modules of learning sign language…hmmm

8. A new habit that would be easy to start (again) is eating out once a month at a new restaurant. Even in this economy, you have to help out businesses you know..

Where have you been?

After recovering from Covid, it was straight to work- a show, which was essentially the work of three and then a death and a funeral of someone I had known for years. And there was the drama of that - most of which was not visible on the surface- so there was also the effort of pretending that you didn’t know (nor care, which both look the same).

And then back to work again, a treadmill at full speed. And it’s June- half the year is gone and that familiar rising panic that time is too short.

I mean this is my life which compared to other lives, would probably be inconsequential, normal maybe for some or worse, fortunate.

But it’s mine.

And at the end of the day, we do the best we can.

FriSat

FriSat happens when there’s so much happening on a Friday that it spills over to Saturday. It’s also a test of endurance since I’m still trying to suss out what parts of my body, Covid may have ‘damaged’.

You never know.

Movie posters for sale

We went to the movies a lot when I was younger and what I remembered most aside from the movie, was the lobby, the red carpeting (why always red??), the pervading smell of popcorn, salt and butter, and the posters in their gleaming glass cases. I wanted so badly to bring home a few like Dune, Indian Jones, Blade Runner and ET. But this pile- gosh..I did get one of the new Downton Abbey movie.

At the cinemas again

Heaps of Indians - yep- NOT wearing masks. Fuckers.

Dr. Strange

..is strange indeed, like a psychedelic horror trip and I wasn’t surprised when the credits rolled and the director was Sam Raimi (I knew it when I saw the 3rd eye).

Matt's birthday food

Such a mission to cook several kilos of pork to make sisig

Up Fighting Maroons win season 84

I frankly have zero interest in collegiate games, but if everyone in your WhatsApp and Viber groups have been burning the chat feed with live play by play, you sort of reluctantly end up joining. I couldn't be bothered to find a live stream so I found a youtube channel where the play-by-play was done via basic animation (to avoid copyright issues) and it did the job. Well done UP!

Remember this day

I could say a million things about the results of the Philippine elections, but I won’t.

Instead, let me share this story my mom told us. When the Miss Universe pageant was held in the Philippines in 1974, my mom was a teacher at the Binmaley Central Elementary School. They got a directive to be part of a group that was tasked with planting flowering bougainvilleas along the sides of the highway so that when the Miss Universe candidates drove past (they were to go on a sight-seeing tour of The Hundred Islands in Alaminos) they would see, well, flowers. Even if they only did the Binmaley to Alaminos route, this would be about 47 kilometers.

Interesting times ahead..