I love winter, but I'm exhausted

It’s also possibly the post-covid lockdown effect; your sense of time is still unbalanced. I honestly thought I was remiss from blogging for just two weeks, but it’s actually nearly an entire month!!

The only comfort (aside from work ironically) is physical like nice, warm clothes. They put you in the right mind-set and like armour, they make you sit up straighter and make you walk as if you don’t have a ton of work on your shoulders (you do!).

I wish I could buy new winter clothes every week- I mean I can, but of course that would be dumb.

Spotlight

Three weeks ago, on my I’m-Going-To-Do-A-Million-Things-While-In-Lockdown binge, I obsessed on buying a starter sewing-machine and taking up on my Project Runway fantasies.

Frankly, I would’ve probably struggled even doing hemming for my pants which is perhaps the only thing I would’ve used them for anyway. Today at Spotlight helping Mary hunt for a specific set of knitting needles, the discounts for a variety of sewing machines became even steeper, even reaching 40% for some pretty good overlocker brands.

But I held my attention deficit disorder in check- there’s a SHITLOAD of other important stuff you need to do first I told myself, passing by bolts of cotton, jacquard, wool and tartan.

I remember my mother buying a sewing machine once when we were kids with exactly the same aspiration, as she had grown up, a beautiful, doted on, only child whose dresses were sewn for her by loving aunts and family friends. And all she ever made were curtains, I swear to God, unless I’m remembering it wrong!

Imagine- goddamned curtains- when you can buy them now in any set size, shape and length, all ready to put up.

So it’s a sobering reality check really to know that for some things, it’s never just enough to buy the tool in order to learn the trade.

Monday

oatmeal.jpg

Back to oatmeal
Got my blood-test results and my cholesterol is a bit elevated- which I knew- but not as high as I thought it would be without medication, which I had stopped as a test.

And the culprit? Food of course- it always is. During the lockdown in an effort to have variety, we’ve had more red meat than we’ve ever had in a long time. And chips- like potato chips- a bagful nearly every week for over a month.

So it’s back to medication (statins) and perhaps, way less of the meat. Like everyone else, I had my oatmeal-in-the-morning run before it was put aside with ever shifting diets and preferences which currently, has me eating nothing until lunch.

The question is, does it work? The answer- I don’t really know. I exercise regularly; I take heaps of supplements and I still don’t know. This is why I rely on regular blood-tests and doctors; the blood-work is a more accurate and definitive picture of the state of your body.

On one hand, I get terribly hungry now before 10am and I don’t think I would’ve lasted until noon without eating something, so oatmeal it is instead of a biscuit.

arroz2.jpg

Arroz Caldo
Rain this whole week is projected which started yesterday, but it looks like it won’t hardly make a difference to the drought situation; the ‘rain’ is a fine mist, like a watery veil that damply caresses your face. But rain always means some humidity and less of the biting fall coldness (winter doesn't officially start until the last week of June apparently) so it’s good.

Made arroz caldo from two large breast chicken pieces and a small cupful of the Jasmine rice we just bought. We don’t have patis- patis and kalamansi juice make an arroz caldo- so I chopped up anchovy fillets instead. What I got was a delicious creamy umaminess that’s more of a risotto if that makes sense. A dash of sesame oil and half of a lemon for a springy sourness made it perfect.

Day 32

The funny thing is that work-days spent at home are more satisfying than weekends when there’s really nothing to do. There’s no point waiting for the weekends to do laundry or to do chores which you can slot them in during the week. And I really hate sleeping in as it gives me a headache but it’s a struggle trying to wake up at 7:30am. I’ve been having intense dreams like everybody else and it gets harder to wake up when they go on and on.

rogue-one-star-wars-story-1200-1200-675-675-crop-000000.jpg

I’m a movie-fan really I am. Show me one still image and I can tell you right away what movie its from. But today, I virtually watched Rogue One all over again (without skipping the parts as I usually do with movies I’ve already seen) because for the life me, I couldn’t even remember it. But I’m sure I’ve watched it before. Anyhow, it’s sad isn’t it?. Really sad. Sadder than Star Wars The Rise of Skywalker which I watched last night, rented on Apple TV. I enjoyed it in spite of the much publicised negative reviews. But the thing is, I’m invested in how a movie entertains me on whatever level, and not on why it’s made or who made it. I won’t ever be that geek who does reaction videos on Star Wars teasers and weeps uncontrollably.

IMG_0243.JPG

So I get Martin Scorsese’s diss of Marvel movies because I would be too if I was a film-maker of his milieu. But I’m just a popular-culture consumer who can appreciate the high-brow and the low- like Marvel movies. After watching Rogue One I just had to fast-forward through Star Wars A New Hope just because I wanted to see the Death Star destroyed. In that sequence where Luke Skywalker flies through a corridor on the Death Star being pursued by his dad Darth Vader, I thought I saw something weird. So I paused it and took a photo and lo and behold it was this: Darth Vader’s eyes. For a moment I thought that it didn’t look like James Earl Jones then remembered that he only did the voice. The actor who played Darth Vader was English bodybuilder and character actor David Prowse.

Day 30

So I pretty much gave up having a leave day because it is what it is. It would’ve been easier if you could go away- not that I leave my gadgets at home which I don’t- but it would’ve been easier to step away from the screen to do something else.

I did finish painting the cupboard doors in the garage which was on our bigger things-to-do; did laundry, planned dinner, and still finished heaps of work. But I never have issues with work or chores- it’s when I saw an online ad for Gordon & Harris (an art-supplies shop) that there was that faint spark of wanting to do something creative. But $29 for a 59ml tube of (Golden brand) acrylic paint? Uhm, okay.

I would think that it’s kinda pricey so says the person who buys $250 jeans. But maybe it’s like the kind of advice offered to you when you’re struggling to clean out your closet: throw out the stuff you’ve never worn because chances are, you’ll never wear them again.

So the essential question is, should I give up on art? If you’ve never really found the time for it, then maybe it’s not for you.

But cooking is, for sure. We just had home-made carrot and potato soup tonight and grilled chicken-nibbles, nothing worth photographing really, but I made pansit sotanghon yesterday and this is what it looks like. Funny thing is, Pacific Islanders call it ‘chopsuey’ and it’s just vermicelli cooked in stock (or water) and seasoned with dark soy-sauce. My dad would turn in his grave if he was served this- the gold standard of how he made the sotanghon of our dreams is one that has chicken and chicken liver, fatty pork, prawns and black fungus mushroom and NO fucking celery. Yup- i hate the taste of celery in pansit (we’ve swapped out the celery with coriander which is actually more off-putting for most people).

I can’t remember if Pacific Island vermicelli/chopsuey has ginger- didn't put any in this one- but it’s harder to get that fuller flavour (I used chicken cubes as well) that you’d only get with chicken meat and pork-fat.

But once the starch breaks down (I often make the mistake of undercooking it) and the noodles absorb the fat (I used rice-bran oil) and the soy which has caramelised a bit, it doesn’t taste too bad.

pansit.jpg

Day 29: It pays to have 'two' birthdays

So the thing is, my actual legal birth certificate states that I was born on the 23rd of April when actually, I was born on the 22nd. It was a simple clerical error that my dad- a lawyer!!!- never bothered to change. And neither did I because I sure as hell didn't want to negotiate, er, navigate the processes and legalities necessary to change it.

So when it went onto my first passport, that was it- it’s the 23rd FOREVER. But I obviously try to celebrate on the actual date, so here we are- a two-day celebration.

I got these today from some co-worker friends- thanks Judy and Sarah!

Kinda touching that in spite of me not really trying to ‘make’ friends, I think I do have friends who know the things that I love, eat and use!

Kinda touching that in spite of me not really trying to ‘make’ friends, I think I do have friends who know the things that I love, eat and use!

Some wishes for today (more like a to-do list actually)

  1. That I start drawing and painting without thinking that I need another gadget to do it (upgrading from my ‘old’ iPad pro to the newer one + the floating keyboard).

  2. Start on that novel/short-story collection

  3. Abs! It’s there, I can see it, but I don’t know how to make it show or if I’d want to lose any more weight to get it.

  4. Start driving and getting a license

  5. Be able to visit New York (who knows when it’s actually safe to travel again).

  6. That Trump LOSES in November. I really shouldn’t care, but deep inside I do.

  7. That I learn something new and useful in the next 4 months.

  8. Can’t think of anything more really- leave it up to God to make the rest happen

Day 27: Before you complain about courier fees for fancy cakes, read this

I was fired because of the Coronavirus

MIAMI — For the past year, I have cared for a 95-year-old woman. I went to her family’s home, watched TV with her, talked to her and gave her medication. We shared stories. I made her food: bread with butter or peanut butter. Noodle soup was her favorite. We made each other laugh.

On March 16, when I arrived at work, the woman’s daughter opened the door and pulled me aside to talk.

“I don’t want anybody to bring the virus into my house,” she said. “Friday will be your last day of work.”

She told me that she needed to have control over her home, her children and her mother.

“I don’t want any strangers coming in,” she said. That included me.

“What do you want me to do?” I asked.

“When everything is under control, I’ll call you,” she said. I haven’t heard from her since.

I considered myself to be part of her family. It hurt. My boss viewed me as an outsider — as a risk to her own health.

I live with my son, Emanuel, who is 6. Right now, we are just trying to survive. In my job, I made $80 per day. My hours were flexible. Sometimes I worked three days a week, sometimes four or five. When the family called me, I would go.

I never made enough to have savings. And I don’t know how I will find another job now. Very few businesses in Miami are hiring. Restaurants are open only for takeout and have laid off many of their workers. A friend told me that working for Amazon might be a possibility. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that working in a big warehouse with lots of other people could be a bad idea during a pandemic. I don’t have any health insurance and I can’t afford to get sick. Who would care for my son, especially now that his school has shut down? It just seemed too risky.

Rent for my apartment is $870 a month. It was due on April 1, but I wasn’t able to pay. I’ve never missed a payment before, and fortunately, my landlord has been understanding. She said that she would give me free time and I can pay her back when I find a job.

My family’s health is more important than anything right now. I am trying to stay positive, but I don’t know how much longer I will be able to live like this.

Last week I ran out of food. A friend who distributes food for domestic workers at the Miami Workers Center told me to come by. Now my son and I are eating canned soup, some small bags of rice, chicken and cans of tuna. They gave me milk, water and spaghetti. This food will last us for a week. It is just enough to get by.

The National Domestic Workers Alliance is raising money to support domestic workers who have lost their jobs because of the coronavirus. Many of us do not qualify for the federal stimulus that is sending out checks to workers because we are not United States citizens. The alliance’s goal is to raise $4 million for 10,000 care workers, which will amount to $400 per person. Hopefully this money will arrive within a week. While this is a help, it won’t last long. First I’ll buy food, then use whatever is left over to pay part of my rent to my landlord.

The virus highlights how much domestic workers need protections, just like everyone else. Many nannies, house cleaners and other domestic workers are not entitled to severance pay, paid sick leave, health and unemployment insurance or other benefits that would help us survive this pandemic.

Every day I wake up and worry about what will happen the next day, the next week. I don’t know how I will make it through. For now, I am living day to day.

But I keep faith. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe the coronavirus will teach us that we need to change the system that views domestic workers like me as disposable. We still have time to change.

We need everyone to treat domestic workers like human beings. We deserve respect and a seat at the table. Our work has value. Without us, you cannot do your jobs. Just as we need you to survive, you need us.

(Published in its entirety from the New York Times; By Melissa L. St. Hilaire- Ms. St. Hilaire is a home care aide. She told her story to Devi Lockwood, a fellow in the Times Opinion section).

Day 26: The virus won't kill businesses; a lack of solid business sense will

PS: the woman who owns the pastry shop emailed back (I emailed them to say I was disappointed) to ask why (I have a feeling she probably doesn’t know how much the courier was asking) and she was really nice!! She didn’t really have to email, but just wanted to express her frustration about obviously, why these things are happening.

And we should get it really, shouldn’t we? There’s so much being asked from all of us, that to be aggravated over something as trivial as cake is really not worth it in the scheme of things.


I scammed, well not really. Thought I had it good buying not one but two birthday cakes for Wednesday and it turns out that it was too good to be true. Ordered them, got an update they were in production and then someone rings me clarifying if I knew that the courier cost wasn’t quite correct. How much is it, I ask the person on the phone who sounded Filipino. When he told me the cost, I couldn't help myself.

“A hundred and twenty fucking dollars for a $67 cake??” I replied trying not to scream. “I’m cancelling it ’ I said without even waiting for his reply and hung up.

I just hate the pretentiousness of CBD establishments and their stupid nonsensical zoning delivery areas- uhm, sorry but your address is out of our zone. Bitch, you’re only 20 kilometres away, but you know what, if this is how you do business at a time when you NEED business, good luck.

I would have paid a $100 for the cake, but not the other way around.

It’s a shame, but I did hear rave reviews for this French pastry shop.

Screen Shot 2020-04-20 at 7.54.10 PM.png

Day 22: Work, work, work

Don’t want to talk about it really, work I mean.

Today the government announced going down an alert level next week, but nothing much will change really. I think this is more of an easing for businesses who keep complaining about draining profits. Malls and restaurants will still be closed, but there will be more deliveries- McDonalds, KFC anyone? But food deliveries are expensive so aside from that one KFC meal, I’d stick to going to the supermarket which I enjoy, and cooking my own meals.

IMG_0134.jpeg