Cook dinner and then sit on the couch feeling bloated while doing the daily Quordle
Read, tweet, react to politics of any kind. I want to take a vacation from all that
Read, tweet, react on anything Elon Musk
Think about anyone at work and what they do or feel or think. I want to take a vacation from all that
Believe that time is slipping away. It’s NOT.
Tuesday
Got my Twitter account restored. I’ve been contacting Twitter support for months with ZERO response until Elon Musk came in and in less than 30 seconds, was able to login with a new confirmed email address. The guy’s a TWAT, but he must be doing something right, like firing incompetent, sanctimonious Twitter staff who can’t even solve simple technical issues.
The Daily List
My friend L, speaks of having of having isolated herself ‘from almost everyone I care about and I'm not a part of any organization or circle that I can call my tribe’. The funny thing is that I’ve done that willingly. I found in New Zealand, a life where you can opt to opt out and you’re not judged by it. Filipino culture just makes that impossible I think.
I don’t object to having friends, but they’re really rare to come by. I’ve worked with some people for over a decade and I still consciously would not consider them friends. I’m always friendly and open with my opinions, and apparently generous, but when I get home, it’s a life I don’t really share in its entirety- I never have, and I probably never will. I’m always present sure, but when I’ve exited the building, I’m gone.
How do you find a friend? I’ve found the very precious few that I have by accident or circumstance.
Struggling to write the last couple of years (the last two decades actually), I’ve thought of enrolling in some creative writing classes which I thought would be getting two birds in one stone; you get inspiration to write, and you might get to meet like-minded people who can possibly, become friends. Get to belong to a community of writers. The fees however are a bit expensive.
I meant to do NaNoWriMo this month..and failed again. Mmmm. I have this story idea about domestic cats empowered by a strange force to help humans fight against an invading alien species.
The week that was (in images + a video)
Love/Hate
HATE
Gaurav Sharma, a quack, hack, and a major TWAT
The US Federal Reserve and the fucking, goddamned American dollar
Having to wait years for the next seasons of streaming shows
People who are easily brain-washed
Costco New Zealand; waste of money
LOVE
Taylor Swift’s new album (finally, bitch GROWS UP).
My new Apple devices :-)
Conceding that spending so much money at Christmas is, well, a waste of money
American Costco (if you want garish consumerism, then do it right. Do it the American way).
Climate change; WE’RE ALL GOING DOWN, no one is exempt
Fantasy
Playing James Bond- apparently, in spite of my youthful looks, I’m too old to be in the role. Fact: Daniel Craig was 35 when he did his 1st Bond film.
That in one magical moment, I can draw a perfect, amazing drawing on one of my numerous sketch-books lying about the house.
That in one magical moment, I can finish writing a perfect, amazing short-story on one of my numerous digital devices lying about the house.
Baking the perfect macarons in under an hour using just a hand-held electric mixer.
Getting the perfect body within 30 days by doing exercises 3x a week.
Growing the most luscious, luxurious mustache.
Getting super youthful skin by applying not two, not three, not four, but six products every night.
Getting the cat to love me for what I am.
Looking exactly in real life, like your digital photos.
Trump and Putin dying painful, lonely deaths and Duterte ending up in jail.
All the brazen thieves in Auckland getting the electric-chair
Saturday (in images)
What happened in the world today? DON’T CARE- to each his own.I have chores to do and things to learn.
The 'fuck you' list (because why not?)
Ron DeSantis and to every Florida lawmaker who opposed climate law changes; you deserve what nature gave you.
To the common cold ( as it turns out, it’s not Covid but is worse than Covid).
Herschel Walker
Luxury labels raising their prices
Password security
Black duvet, natural sunlight, a good camera and Lightroom
When we were kids, my sisters and I thought of having a photoshoot. We got blankets, an instamatic camera and a black satin dress. My sisters put on make-up borrowed from my mothers and posed like their lives depended on it. When the film roll was developed- yep, someone saw those photos- everything was washed out, over and under-exposed and the make-up was patchy. I can’t remember whether we found it hilarious or horrific.
Fast-forward to 2022 and we did the same thing for Toni’s graduation. We got an $18 black studio sheet on Trade Me that turned out to be too sheer, so we put a black duvet sheet behind it. We used natural sunlight, used a consistent focal length of 60mm on the Nikon Z 6ii and edited the RAW files on Adobe Lightroom.
Good photography is a talent I know, but to charge $$$$$ for it is criminal.
The questions list
what are you really, really good at that?
Is this what you’re supposed to do?
do you really, really need to have it?
Are you prepared to get it?
Do you have what it takes to get it?
Will doing it prove once and for all, that it’s what you’re meant to do?
If not, what then?
It wasn't that hard was it?
I’m not kidding, but several YouTube tutorials and a few dozen test shots later, I can actually shoot manual now. I’ve been shooting photos for so long that it was a matter of finally looking where I had refused to look.
And suddenly, there were all there, and there were only three things: aperture, shutter-speed and ISO.
I’m not saying I’m going to win the next Nikon or Canon Photo competition (I wouldn’t even bother to join), but I feel less of a fake when someone praises my photos. I feel less guilty for spending thousands of dollars on all the gear.
Postcript to that dinner last Friday
We hosted this dinner last Friday for Mary’s friends - women of a certain age - and I started what was turning out to be a really long treatise on friendship when I realised that these women weren’t really my friends, even if we had been sharing what could be one of the better dinners/get-togethers I’ve had with anyone these last couple of years.
But the affection is there, the honesty and the candidness is there, the ease of self is there for which is only possible around people who know and accept you.
And this is the thing with friends, which I have been fortunate enough to have and have had, that the best ones have come into my life by accident; Leila, Chris, Eric..that’s it. And it has been enough, more than enough. God made me self-sufficient, but these people give me happiness and comfort. Remember that scene towards the end in the Netflic movie ‘Don’t Look Up’ when the world starts actually to fall apart?
That’s how I’d like to go if it ever came to that (which is becoming more likely by the day it seems if you read the news) - around a table full of great food with my family and my dearest friends..
Happy birthday mommy
With my dad it was a bit more challenging what he expected from you, and there were times when I thought he didn’t until I fucked up, and I would of course hear about it though in very economical- but weighty- words.
With my mother, there was no beating around the bush and no reading of minds. She told you exactly what she thought, for better or worse. I’m pretty sure that my siblings and I had years when we grappled with the effect of that. But now it all makes sense. The apparent antagonist is a sage, and one who only wanted one thing- the best for you, but…only if you worked hard for it ( and not because you were entitled to it).
Some of the truths she has gifted us:
1. Liars are most likely to be thieves as well
2. Don’t be a one-day-millionaire; save, save, save
3. Be ashamed of being in debt (a faster way to get out of it!)
4. If you’re a woman, why would you give money to a man??
5. Health is wealth
6. If you’re fair complexion, you’re already half-good looking (10 years later, whitening became all the rage!).
7. Facebook is CRAP
8. There’s a God out there and it wouldn't hurt to pray and have faith
9. Duck Adobo is life (apparently)
10. Avoid procrastinating
The week
A list a day...
The fourth season of ‘Stranger Things’ has started! I’m glad I gave it another chance because it was the childhood I actually had, in my head.
Inflation, recession, higher mortgage rates- what do they mean? To me it means doing less Uber and more public transport; more supermarket meat, less online boutique butchers; more saving, less spending. It may all sound facetious, but I honestly don’t know. I’ve never really had much financial sense.
When Sam said half-seriously, doing a projection of an 8% mortgage rate high (which means for me, around $800 per fortnight, an increase of 62%), we may need to get 2nd jobs, I was secretly thrilled. For real. I made a list- supermarket online order person, nursing home attendee, weekend cook, cleaner. As I’ve told Leila, I’d DIE if I was poor in the Philippines. But I don’t mind it here- no one knows me, I don’t know anyone, and work is work, a dollar is a dollar.
I buy drones, expensive cameras, and Apple products and sometimes I wish, I could make money out of them (especially in this economy). But then it kills the spirit- there’s something ruthless and numbing about having to make everything about profit and gain. Can it be just about the beauty of technology and personal consumption of creative content?? (I sound like Imelda Marcos; though, the difference is that she actually profited from it ).
But then I realise, Apple has literally already taken the equivalent of a house deposit from me 😅
I love my job and I’ve been in it for 10 years and I’m happy- but I still think, could there be something else? Something new?
It’s hard to break out of habits and routine. Do something new you say to yourself but it’s a struggle to get to the gym after work; your attention wanders off somewhere when studying Analytics; you’ve now forgotten the 1st three modules of learning sign language…hmmm
A new habit that would be easy to start (again) is eating out once a month at a new restaurant. Even in this economy, you have to help out businesses you know..
Where have you been?
After recovering from Covid, it was straight to work- a show, which was essentially the work of three and then a death and a funeral of someone I had known for years. And there was the drama of that - most of which was not visible on the surface- so there was also the effort of pretending that you didn’t know (nor care, which both look the same).
And then back to work again, a treadmill at full speed. And it’s June- half the year is gone and that familiar rising panic that time is too short.
I mean this is my life which compared to other lives, would probably be inconsequential, normal maybe for some or worse, fortunate.
But it’s mine.
And at the end of the day, we do the best we can.
Post-Covid
Remember this day
I could say a million things about the results of the Philippine elections, but I won’t.
Instead, let me share this story my mom told us. When the Miss Universe pageant was held in the Philippines in 1974, my mom was a teacher at the Binmaley Central Elementary School. They got a directive to be part of a group that was tasked with planting flowering bougainvilleas along the sides of the highway so that when the Miss Universe candidates drove past (they were to go on a sight-seeing tour of The Hundred Islands in Alaminos) they would see, well, flowers. Even if they only did the Binmaley to Alaminos route, this would be about 47 kilometers.
Interesting times ahead..
The Covid Diaries 4
I’m 99.9% okay.
The Covid Diaries 3
I finally tested positive, and the line couldn’t be any clearer or finely drawn as if it was screaming, ‘is this what you wanted?? Well here it is then..”
I’ve realised two things about this: 1) you really have no choice in the matter no matter how careful you are. This is the age (and future) we’re living in; 2) You need to be always prepared- ALWAYS.
But the symptoms have been mild; I can remember colds that were so much worse.
The only thing I wasn’t absolutely prepared for is food- I’m ravenous. Even Sam is ravenous. I want to eat steaks with fries; slow-cooked pork belly; pancakes with bacon and banana dripping with caramel syrup; vermicelli noodles loaded with chicken and prawns; steamed mussels eaten with french-bread slathered with garlic butter…
