Like any person dead-set on staying as youthful as long as possible, I find the idea of being a vampire quite attractive. But what kind of vampire though is the more important question; the eternally melancholic vamps of Anne Rice? The millennially inclined Twilight group penned by Stephenie Meyer? Or maybe the historically immersed creatures from A Discovery of Witches?

None of the above- I think I’ll pick Count Dracula from Netlix’s new adaptation of Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Neither brooding nor silly (like going to high-school!), this Dracula is literally like me bingeing on so-so Netflix series, skipping and fast-forwarding through the boring and predictable parts (of life). Instead of spending the next 100 years learning and practicing painting or the violin, or German and fourteen other languages, he simply drinks the blood of someone who knows these things and voila, all of these skills and talents are absorbed.

For why wait, even if you did have all the time in the world, when you can have something now???

I look at my desk and my lists- write, paint, read, design, cook, learn- and think, goddamn it- will I seriously get everything done??