dear lei,

its 5:21 and I haven't slept at all...ha! nothing earthshaking there except that look what happens when you simply just let go of your worries; I've been stressing out lately on issues that I'm quite sure I've probably told you about in some form or another, resurrected from time to time, so I'm doing us a favor by not going into details. Suffice it to say that some cliches work- I mean, we've pretty much convinced ourselves to be of such superior intellect that we think we're impervious to sunshiney-positively cheerful isms like "let go of your worries; there is nothing to fear but fear itself".

Turns out I'm stupider than I thought because it works. I was able to sustain it for an entire day that I've finished some due projects I've been procrastinating over, completed and had a blog up and running for our high school reunion, fed 10 dogs (7 puppies there) without growing ballistic and other odds and ends that would normally throw me off into another altogether different tangent..

But it seems to be too much of a good thing that I just went on up and beyond two rented VCDS (Apocalypto and The Pursuit of Happyness), tons of old movies, back to emailing again before my eyes gave out (but did not drive me to sleep), tons of cable and a jaunt outside just after 4:30 hoping to catch the Perseids though no such luck making a ton of wishes coz the sky was cloudy.

And yes, I washed (soaked) my D&G shirts (my new uniform) and all my good underwear because the new maid has had serious Taurine deficiencies as a child; can you actually imagine having to fish out your briefs, all tangled inside, and I mean inside the thick, insulated padding, of a comforter?????????

Pearly Shells had been Doyet's maid and it seems that for a whole lot of people nowadays (not only hired help), the validating mechanism seems to be text messaging; I seriously doubt the existence of rumored fiances or lovers, but it does give Pearly Shells a nice smile when her Pinoy Big Brother alert tone comes on.

Sadly, that is the only company I seem to keep most of the time....it's begun to rain and I'm thankful I had been up all night because shortly after 2:30 it began to rain and all my shirts were outside; I have a bank appointment and a meeting with a client later in the afternoon and I would have obsessed to death about my outfit had circumstances forced me to wear something else.

I'm thinking of breakfast, like another humongous German frankfurter, Hokkaido mackerel, scrambled eggs and rice.

Doyet is just pressuring all of us to go to New Zealand already as if we can just leave everything behind- of course we can, but being able to and attempting it are clearly two different things. Clearly, I'm trying to find a reason to stay- just for a little while you know- to taste this brief transition of semi-independence and the "writer's life" that I've been aspiring for. But the creative output is slow in coming which is really not a surprise; somehow I can't help but compare youth's premature ejaculatory tendencies and profuse creative output with maturity's sloooowwww climax..ha!!

Ay naku, another contest printed and tacked on my to do list board; NCAA has upped their annual writer's grant to 250 grand for a short story collection..deadline is Dec. 31st with an initial submission of 3 stories...I already have a theme and a title (Dark Nation) because syempre, they're looking out for big themes with a national scope. All 12 stories are built around 12 thematic words; Future, Past, Present, Sex, Death, Family, Horror, Gothic, Love, Salvation, Hope and Fear. It's going to have the pop quirkiness of Zafra but with more eloquence and grace of tone; the wit and restraint of Dalisay, but with more youthful edge; and the weight and mastery of language of Ungria, but more accessible...

Ha ha ha..parang totoo, but who knows....I actually tried to describe my fictional writing style there, or what I actually try to aspire for...but I'm going to try and try and gosh, it's another cliche there ladies and gentlemen...but who knows???

This time, all the cliches-the good ones- are actually working in our favor.....

loves..ryan